Saturday, January 28, 2006

New Face

Okay everyone, I've been told that no one could see my face in my old profile picture...so here is a kiss for you all. This is me with a sunburn and short hair but I basically still look this way...I may not always be puckering for a kiss but I try. So, if you see this silly kissy face on your blog, you'll know who it is.

Now, my friend Bonnie Calhoun of Bonnie Writes always posts a funny story that she gets from e-mail...and as I cannot think of a funny story about my life at the moment, I shall 'do a Bonnie' and post the funniest e-mail I've ever received. Are you ready? Here goes:

Anger Management


When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right number, next time!" and slammed the phone down on me. I could not believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an idiot!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'idiot' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I would call him up and yell, "You're an idiot."

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'idiot' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an idiot!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first idiot (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW idiot, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is," he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an idiot!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called idiot #1.

"Hello."

"You're an idiot!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Idiot, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot," and hung up.

Then I called idiot #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, idiot," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your butt," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two idiots beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works.

29 comments:

M. G. Tarquini said...

So that was YOU who kept calling me.

The Curmudgeon's Rant said...

Ouch, that sunburn looks painful.

audrey` said...

HaHa!
Very funny post =D

Fred said...

Nice picture. That story is a riot.

All's well that ends well.

Kimber said...

Hey Girl - I LOVE the NEW picture!! I am having a crazy weekend....but I promise, I will try to post something new SOON :) Of course, it probably won't be as funny as the story you posted :)

Angela said...

ha, funny=) Great pic, I love the "kissy face"!!!

Bonnie Calhoun said...

Hey, I came back to see what you said. My post is gone!!!!!

It was hysterical...OMG, I loved it....it's out of the moment now....hey, where'd that go! It shoulda been right after M.G.?????

Hey, I caught it not takin' this one!

M. C. Pearson said...

mg~ Yep, you got me...so why don't you drive over here and... :)

Curm~ I'm sure it was and I probably got those stupid blisters on my lips after that lovely day...but I had fun.

Audrey~ Thanks!

Fred~ Thank you, hey...I cannot get into your comments and you seem to have taken off your email so I can't contact you. Boo hoo! My stupid computer! I have been reading and I love the fraternity story and your paddle. Cracked me up!

Kimber~ Glad to see you are still alive! Here's a kissy for you...mmmmwhhhaaa!

Angela~ Thanks! And I'll be praying for you and your family. You are very special!

Bonnie~ I was wondering why you didn't visit yesterday! I was feeling dissed...don't you hate that term? Ha. Anyway, glad to see it posted this time.

Bonnie Calhoun said...

It didn't the first time, this time either, but I paid attention and redid it.

Dissssssed, sounds like a snake with a lisp!

Pia said...

oh, mimi! i almost fell off my chair laughing. my officemate was staring wondering whatever happened to me. hahaha... this is way funny!

Bernita said...

The Shadow knows...

Ric said...

THAT was very funny. THanks for starting my week off on a good note.

Jennifer said...

OMW!!! I have to catch my breath from laughing so hard. Whew. Can you imagine??? It does give me a great idea, though, for the next time I have a bad day.

Dennie McDonald said...

that is so wrong ... yet so funny!

Nettie said...

This is awesome...too bad I can't really do it.

Grand Little Recipes said...

That was great!!! But now who would ya call?

Btw, I love the new pic MC...very cute!

Jaime H. said...

Oh, that was great! Freakin' hilarious!!! I'm in tears!!

Can I borrow it???

M. C. Pearson said...

Bonnie~ Hisssssssssssssss hee hee hisssssssssssssssssss

Pia~ I'm so glad it tickled you so! I received this about ten years ago from my best friend, Tami, and printed it off...a few months ago my Dad sent it to me. Good stories never die.

Bernita~ So does Little Orphan Annie!

Ric~ Welcome, I've visited your blog before but couldn't leave a comment...perhaps I'll just e-mail you one!

Jennifer~ Yes...we all know a few idiots in our lives to pull this on, now don't we?

Dennie~ So good...so good and yet so baaaaad. Wasn't that a song? Hee hee.

trin~ Thanks and welcome! I'll be visiting you soon...

Jaimie~ Of course, but you must return it by noon tomorrow. Ar ar...a little humor there.

M. C. Pearson said...

Trin...or should I say Trinity13? You goober! I thought that was a new person. Silly girl. Well, you got me wondering what that new blog will be like. Hmmmm...I need some new dishes for the boys. Meal time is always a war and usually ends up with macaronni and cheese.

Lisa S. said...

OK, now I'm officially dead from laughter! That was too funny!


BTW, Bonnie sent me over....

M. C. Pearson said...

Lisa~ Welcome! I'll be right over to say hi to you too. Just hope you've been revived and are still able to breathe...maybe I'll call you Lazarus?

Trinity13 said...

Ha...I didn't even realize I did that! I've been working on the new blog and I forgot I was still signed in! Crazy me!!!

A Human Bean said...

I almost wish I had done that. It sounds like so much fun. However, the repentance part afterwards would not be.

Chris said...

Great new pic.

The story is hillarious! It should be made into a movie! Sure, revenge is not good, but it sure is funny (so long as we're not the idiots, eh?). Cheers!

Kimber said...

Okay - I posted on Monday - just for you girl - now come on and visit *wink* :)

And I do love your NEW picture mmmmmaaaaa back at ya!

M. C. Pearson said...

trin(ity13)~ Hahahahahaha

Bean~ yes, we reap what we sow...but sometimes it is hilarious to watch others reaping what they've sown! (Or is it sewn?)

Chris~ Thanks! Yeah, I hope I'm not the idiot...but sometimes I think I can be!

Kimber~ Will be there later tonight (er, maybe early early early tomorrow morning...heh.)

cube said...

Pleased to meet you.

Ballpoint Wren said...

Mimi, you are adorable!

M. C. Pearson said...

Cube~ Now, I need to see more of you! Are you three-dimentional or have you gone into the forth already? I love your blog!

Bonnie Wren~ Aw shucks! You are too!