A Trekkie Christmas

The following is a post that I've written for Jean-Luc Picard's Christmas Party (see: Captain Picard's Blogspot.) The names mentioned are some of the other bloggers that will most likely write a post too.

Last week I received a strange invitation. I’m not really sure how it got here…first it wasn’t there and then it just materialized with a tinkling sound on my kitchen table. It looked really ‘state or the art’, all silvery and shiney. When I opened it up, I immediately dropped it back onto the table. Some kind of 3-D hologram emerged from the card. A debonair and noble looking man in a red and black leotard started talking with a British accent.

"M. C. Pearson of the 21st century, you are invited to a Christmas party on the Starship Enterprise. You may dress formally or allow us to fit you when you arrive. You will be transported tomorrow evening. Happy Holidays."

The miniature holo-man shrunk back into the card which in turn de-materialized from my table.

I went and checked my blood pressure.

I decided that I’d been watching too much TV and went to lie down. After a nap, I realized it had to be part of my dream and therefor removed it from my mind…or so I thought.

The next evening after taking a long soak in the tub, I dressed in my red and green flannel pajamas, stuffed my feet into my Garfield slippers and wrapped my wet hair in a towel…yes…I looked like a swami. Just as I went into the kitchen to pop some popcorn, I felt really dizzy. Looking at my hands, I saw yellow light in my skin! That weird tinkling sound came again but it seemed to be coming from inside my head. Before I knew it, I was standing on a funny looking disco-like deck with four leotard-clothed people smiling at me.

"Welcome to the Enterprise, Mimi," said an unshaven man in red and black. He turned and I heard him whisper to the female next to him. "I thought she was a Christian writer, not Hindu."

The gorgeous female nodded and then looked over at me and smiled. "Where did you get your outfit? It is stunning! Of course you will not be in need of our assistance. How festive you look. Ah, did you bring pets?" She pointed at my feet.

I just stared at her.

"Perhaps you would like to have some egg-nog? We’ve programmed our replicators for all the centuries and planets to produce traditional celebration items. If you’ll just follow me?" the bearded man said and started walking to a wall, which immediately slid open, revealing a corridor beyond.

I found my footing and trailed after the man. The dark-haired female turned to one of the other leotarded people and said, "Now, beam up Trinity13, another 21st century female." The door closed with a puffing sound and I jogged after the man.

We stepped into a tubular elevator and a second later arrived at a big metal door.

"The party is on Holodeck One. I must excuse myself to dress now. Since you are suitably attired, you may enter and enjoy." He pressed a button, pushed me through, and closed the…where did the door go?

I was in the middle of a huge ballroom that looked like the inside of the Titanic.

Another person appeared next to me. She, like me, looked rather out of place.

"I hope they have Vegan meals here…"

I shrugged. No idea what she meant.

"I’m Running2ks…are you from Earth?"

I stepped away in confusion. But soon a man with pointy ears walked up and said, "It is illogical for you to stuff your feet inside of cats." He turned to Running2ks and said, "I’m a Vulcan. Have we met?"

Running2ks said, "I’m a Vegan."

I walked to the food bar. I don’t know about Vegans, but I sure liked what I saw. Talk about a feast! As I stuffed my face (hey this is my fantasy—no repercussions, right?), the handsome man from the Christmas card came up and introduced himself.

"Happy Christmas. I am Jean-Luc Picard. Captain of the Enterprise."

I gulped the mouthful of food down and said, "I-I’m M. C. Pearson. You’re a captain? I was a sergeant in the Army."

"Ah, good to have a fellow soldier on board. Glad you could come."

He walked off before I could ask, "Did I have a choice?"

Another man sauntered up and oily said, "I’m Captain Berk. Your place or mine?"

"Er. I’m married. Bye." I ran away.

After a few blue drinks and a purple steaming one, I don’t recall the names of, I think I danced the Robot with a guy named Data. He was a bit strange. Yellow eyes. Then some really tall angry looking fellow (something about his face was odd…) introduced himself as Worf and handed me a smoking orange bowl of liquid.

I must have fainted then. A girl can only take so much ya know.

I awoke in my bed the next morning with a note pinned to my pajama top.

My head felt like a Starship had landed inside my temples.

Squinting I read:

"Take the two green pills in your right pocket. They will counteract the Clingon Firewater you seemed to enjoy. Thank you for the lovely dramatization of The Christmas Cats Swallowed my Toeses."

~ Dr. Beverly