New Face

Okay everyone, I've been told that no one could see my face in my old profile picture...so here is a kiss for you all. This is me with a sunburn and short hair but I basically still look this way...I may not always be puckering for a kiss but I try. So, if you see this silly kissy face on your blog, you'll know who it is.

Now, my friend Bonnie Calhoun of Bonnie Writes always posts a funny story that she gets from e-mail...and as I cannot think of a funny story about my life at the moment, I shall 'do a Bonnie' and post the funniest e-mail I've ever received. Are you ready? Here goes:

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right number, next time!" and slammed the phone down on me. I could not believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an idiot!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'idiot' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I would call him up and yell, "You're an idiot."

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'idiot' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an idiot!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first idiot (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW idiot, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is," he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an idiot!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called idiot #1.

"Hello."

"You're an idiot!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Idiot, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot," and hung up.

Then I called idiot #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, idiot," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your butt," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two idiots beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works.

A Cultural Pleasure

While I was sick we rented a few movies to watch. One of them I got just because I love Jane Austin books and movies, even though I thought it was going to be stupid. So, with extremely low expectations I put the movie into the DVD player. Dave refused to watch it; waiting for my critique of it.

It sounded so stupid. Why did they title it the way they did? I’m not sure how well it did in the theaters but I doubt it was good just because the title was so awful. Do I have you curious? Another thing, I didn’t recognize the actors and I thought it was some hip-hop teenybopper film. I had NO IDEA.

The movie? Bride & Prejudice starring Martin Henderson and Aishwarya Rai. Have you ever heard of Bollywood? I sure hadn’t! It is the Indian version of Hollywood only it has a totally different flavor, very much like the spicy India itself.

What a wonderful surprise I had! The color! The outfits! The songs! The dances! The humor! I had so misjudged this film. Anyway, let me tell you a little about it…some of these things I discovered after watching it again and again. (I never want to return it!)

It starts off in India where a pre-arranged wedding party is celebrating the engagement of one of Lalita (Lizzie character) and Jaya’s (Jane’s character) best friends. An American (Darcy) is best friends with the best man (Bingley’s character now called Balraj who is a British Indian) and comes with Balraj and Balraj’s sister to India for the wedding.

The plot is very much the same as Pride and Prejudice but it has some hilarious differences as well as the wonder of cultural differences.

Instead of Darcy being a pompous jerk, he is ‘stand-offish’ to Lalita because his Indian outfit’s pants keep falling down and he needs to leave and fix them. (During his initial dance with Lalita, he has to pull his hands away twice in order to hike up his pants. It looks like he is just wiping his hands like they are sweaty but later you find out that the string of his pants kept getting loose.) Then as he speaks with the Bakshi (Bennet) family to formally meet them his face looks more and more uncomfortable as his pants slide further and further down. He refuses to ask Lalita for another dance because at that moment his pants are at his ankles but his long shirt covers his modesty. (I didn’t catch that until my third viewing!) As he leaves the Bakshi (Bennet) family he quickly lifts his leg while grabbing the fallen pants with his hand. Now, Lalita and her family think he is being prejudice…that this rich white American is too good for a middle class Indian girl.

Egads but I laughed so hard with this movie!

Also, Bollywood films are rich with song and dance numbers, sort of how Hollywood was in the 50’s with Singing in the Rain. At first this fact kind of startled me and I wasn’t sure what to think but after watching it a few times, I love them. The songs are toe-tapping fun and some are just beautifully melodic. They have great traditional Indian dances as well as fun and innovative ones. One number was made as a tribute to Grease. It is when all four of the sisters do this great song and dance in their pajamas. It is HILARIOUS too. They are making fun of the Mr. Collins Character, Mr. Kohli, a green-card holding Indian who has made it big in the U.S. and has come back to India to his relatives for a wife.

Martin Henderson plays a great Darcy in such a new way. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for his character being so misjudged and misunderstood.

Aishwarya Rai is just plain gorgeous. She looks strikingly like Angelina Jolie but even more beautiful if that is possible! She is one of the most famous Bollywood actresses and she is AWESOME! I love her treatment of Lalita, she plays her strong and smart. Just like Lizzie.

The sure way to find out if a film is good is to see if your husband and kids like it. They ALL loved it. Keegan and Evan keep asking to see the songs over and over…especially the ‘No Life Without Wife’ song that the girls sang in an almost pajama party manner. They also love the wedding dance where Darcy and Lalita as well as Balraj and Jaya first meet.

The special features are great too. They explain Bollywood and the differences between them and British and American filmmaking. As there were all three: Indian, British, and Americans in the film, it made for one great movie.

So, I recommend that you watch this great film; but keep in mind that it is very different than most movies you will or have ever watched.

Oh, and put the subtitles on because the accents are strong and you might miss some of the hilarious dialogue.

Boris and Natasha

Fellow Hungarian and bloggerette, Kimber, had a post about her cat recently and in it she also mentioned that she has ferrets. Well, it got me remembering when I owned ferrets…so, here is a tribute to ferrets and ferret lovers everywhere.

The year was 1992 when I saw a ferret for the first time in my life. Having been raised in California where ferrets were illegal to own as pets, I had never even heard of them. Since I was about to leave the Active Army in Washington and move back to California, I knew there wouldn’t be another chance, at least for a long time, to purchase a ferret. So, I took that chance and bought a cute little white thing with blue eyes and a black tail.

I had NO idea what a ferret was really like or how to take care of one. I just knew that I HAD to have one.

The first time it fell asleep I thought it was dead or in some type of a coma. The thing would not wake up…no amount of shouting or prodding would disturb it. I later found out that ferret pups need deep sleep when they are young.

I also found out that Boris was deaf.

But the most disturbing thing I found out was that ferrets had musk glands and my ferret still had his. Oh, and by the way, I also realized that ferrets were related to skunks…a point I wish I had known BEFORE buying Boris. (But then again, I probably wouldn’t have gotten him and that would have been a shame…he turned out to be a great pet. We just had a few speed bumps to go over first!)

*Note~ Most store bought ferrets are descented and fixed...they often have a musky scent but nothing bad.* (I just got lucky...maybe Boris didn't hear the call for the musk and sex organ removal van. He was deaf, ya know.) We corrected this problem very quickly.

It was during one of those death sleeps that a powerful smell emerged from Boris and engulfed my barracks dorm room. I was not supposed to have an animal in the barracks; especially one sleeping in my bed’s slide out drawer. Since he was a little thing, I thought I wouldn’t have a problem hiding him until I got released from the Army…about one week. Heh. That was before the musk monster made its appearance. My roommate was very sweet and helped me de-fumigate the room…I kept Boris in my pockets mostly, so I never got in trouble. PHEW!

When I moved back to California (Monterey…Dave was enrolled in a Russian course for the Army and, yes, we were married already. I’ll have to explain all that stuff in a later post. Let’s just say that the Army is not very good about joint-assignments.), I would take Boris walking on the beach. People would come up and ask me what he was. Since ferrets were illegal to own, I said that he was a Californian Land Otter. Most would shrug, looking a bit puzzled. Others actually said, "Ah, yes! I’ve heard of those." Silly people.

*Another Note~ Ferrets are related to skunks, minks, polecats, and otters.* (So I was really just stretching the truth...hee hee.)

Another fun thing we discovered about Boris: since he was deaf, we were able to sneak up on him. Sometimes, if you didn't make any sudden movements, you could scare him so badly that he would actually scream in terror. Ferrets don't make those cute chittery noises that you hear when they are in the movies...but they do make a sort of happy grunt when they are playing. They hop up and down on all fours...side to side...grunt grunt. Yeah, and they can scream...hee hee.

One time Boris got some scotch tape on his paws. He freaked...literally ran around the room pooping as he ran...scared the poop out of him. It was so funny to watch that I didn't even mind cleaning up the mess. I just laughed as I scooped.

FYI: Ferrets travel well in your pocket, sleeve, or just inside your jacket.

When Dave got reassigned to Fort Riley, Kansas, we had to move Boris across country with us. It was fun. We went to the Grand Canyon with him and he would fascinate tourists that were there from all parts of the world.

As we drove, he started to cuddle up with this fur thing we bought at an Indian village in New Mexico.

It was then that we concluded: "Boris needs a playmate."

For Christmas Boris got his friend, Natasha.

If one ferret is funny, two are hysterical.

They loved the snow, would dig and hop away in it.

They also loved packages with styrofoam in it. I wouldn't recommend styrofoam as a playsource though. It tends to stick to ferret fur...and gets spread all over the house. Also, if one ferret is into something (like styrofoam) you know the other one isn't far behind! Ferrets also like to steal socks and stuffed animals to play with under couches and beds. We'd constantly find their little stashes of treasure in strange places.

The next Christmas we got another addition to the family...Keegan. He was quite interested in the ferrets. Don't worry, we watched them all very well.

When not playing with us, the ferrets played in their huge cage. I've heard of nasty things that ferrets can do to babies if unattended and even though my ferrets were really sweet, I never took a chance!

Some of our friends had ferrets too.

Keegan had fun discovering new furry faces.

As Keegan grew older, we took the ferrets for walks (really more like drags) and let them swim in the lake. We had a lot of fun with these furry friends. Unfortunately they died when Keegan was about four years old (Boris first, Natasha not long afterwards) and we couldn't take care of new ferrets since we moved to Boystown, Nebraska later that year. But, we enjoyed them while we had them. They were the best little fur thieves in the world!

Homeschooling Movie Day!

Since I've been sick Keegan has had a vacation from school mostly. Poor kid...ha ha.

Well, today Dave brought home a previously viewed DVD that he got for only $5.00 at the local grocery store. We don't go out to many movies because of the expense and we had never heard of this movie before. It looked pretty good... Joseph Fiennes who played William Shakespeare in Shakespeare in Love (1998) starred in it, so I was excited! (What a cutie!) Many of you may know the movie I'm talking about even if I was clueless.

It is Luther (2003 version), the story of Martin Luther, the 16th century Catholic monk who led the Christian Reformation.

I was raised Catholic but I am now a Non-Denominational Christian. If you don't know what that means, hey, I'll tell ya!

To me, if a person believes in the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) of God and have asked Jesus to save them from their sins, then they are a Christian. I wouldn't say no to attending a Catholic, Protestant, Lutheran, Baptist, Congregational, Methodist or any other Christian church.

Right now I'm a member of a Southern Baptist church (not a Bible thumping "burn in hell" kind but a wonderful Jesus loving one).

Well, I spent about 2 1/2 years in Bible College (San Jose Bible College and BIOLA University) and that is where I learned the history of the church. So, I had a fairly good knowledge of the Reformation and Martin Luther. I was excited to see that Hollywood actually made a movie about it. Although, I was cautious because, well, it was Hollywood, I decided to make it a school lesson. Keegan and I sat down to watch it; all 2 hours and 4 minutes of it.

Immediately I was captivated. It was so real, so honest, and such a GREAT depiction of the time and life of Luther. I related to the confusion that Martin Luther had about purgatory and saints and relics and purchasing time for dead relatives from purgatory. I cheered when he posted his views about it all on the door of the church.

Keegan (10) was enthralled. He loved it and we discussed all his questions. What a great learning time we had.

If you have never seen this movie, go do so. It is so worth the time. You'll probably end up purchasing it (I bet). Heck it is worth it even if it is just to look at Joseph Fiennes! Hee hee. But it is awesome and well told.

For once I can truly say, "Horray for Hollywood!"

The Siege is Lifting

First, let me thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. They have meant so much to me. I'll be visiting every one of you tonight (hopefully) or tomorrow (for sure)!

I believe the battle of the Boogies is almost over. Evan and Keegan are much better. Unfortunately, Dave seems to be under attack now. Poor guy. He works so hard with 12 hour shifts and now he is laid up coughing and sneezing. Me? Well, I am still dizzy and coughing but I can at least sit up and not fall over. Have any of you ever had pneumonia? Didn't you just HATE it??? I had to sleep sitting up because my lungs kept filling. Then, if I didn't cough for a few minutes, I actually caught a few zzz's. The most awful thing about it was the back of my neck. Because of coughing so much, my neck and head were just killing me. Also, when I blew my nose (every five seconds) my ears would pop and fill up so I couldn't hear, which accounts for my dizziness.

I'm sure thankful for you blogger friends. So kind. I'll be back to my old sarcastic self soon with more memories and stories for you. Thanks for sticking with me!

The War Wages On: Update on the Battle with the Boogie-Rags

It's pneumonia for me, everyone. Evan has bronchitis. Keegan still suffers the brunt of the cold but it hasn't gone further for him, THANK GOD! Dave is still fine...knock on my hollow wooden head for luck...okay, not so hollow since it is filled with boogies! Yuck! Nice thought there. Anyway, please pray for us sickies. Evan and I are on antibiotics now so a change in the battle is due. I'm running out of hand towels and washcloths since the diapers are filled. Another nice word picture. Heh. Nite all...I'm going to go hack in bed. Bring on the Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus!

Attack of the Boogie-Rags

This is a picture of what I feel like right now. Granted, it is from 1999, when my Mom and Dad visited us over Christmas at Boystown, Nebraska. The next day I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I usually do not pose for pictures when I feel like...ahh...poop (the nice way of saying what I really feel like). But I was too slow to snatch the camera away...you can see that I was attempting to ward off the lasting memory of my pale sickly look. Anyway, it is the only picture to describe how all the family feels right now. But I have gotten ahead of myself. Let me backtrack...

It all started with a single boogie-rag.

When my children use tissues they NEVER throw them away...I am the tissue picker-upper. You probably know what I mean. The mountain of snowy flakes all over the house, as it you've been struck by the tissue blizzard fairy? So, wise me, I created the term Boogie-Rag and gave one to my son. These 'Boogie-Rags' are cloth diapers. I never got into the whole 'use cloth diapers' thing because I'm just way too lazy and dainty (Ha!). I used store bought throw away and ruin the environment sort. But I had a huge stack of new cloth diapers that had been given to me by an environmentally conscience mother while I was pregnant. So, I put them to use. Thus, the Boogie-Rag was born. This was when Keegan was about three years old and the blizzard tissue fairy started striking the house.

A few days ago, Evan got a runny nose. Out comes Mr. Boogie-Rag. But somehow, my lovely four year old kept misplacing Mr. Boogie-Rag. So, Mrs. Boogie-Rag joined the fun. Mrs. Boogie-Rag turns up Missing in Action...so, Boogie-Rag Jr. joins the battle. Suddenly, ten more Boogie-Rags invade. Now, instead of being surrounded on all sides by tissue droppings, I am being attacked by Boogie-Rags. With all the lovelies that have been deposited into the Boogie-Rags, germs have multiplied and all of us need our own Boogie-Rags.

There are no more Boogie-Rags in the linen closet...so I have adopted hand towels into the equation. I guess it is time to round up the Boogie-Rag mess and give them all a chlorine bath. But first I need to blow my nose...dang! Where's my Boogie-Rag???

Side note: I've finished my proposal and it will be in the mail tomorrow! I should spray it with Lysol first though. Don't you think?

Funny Kid Photo Contest

So I was procrastinating a little and decided to go over to Jen's Horde. Low and behold she has a hilarious post about her kids. Turns out it is for a contest given by A Mama's Rant.

I say to myself, "Self, you have the time to post one of the hundreds of funny pictures of your kids."

I lie to myself too much.

Anyway, mail doesn't go out tomorrow so I have time to finish the proposal for Nelson by Monday. I couldn't decide on One photo...so you will just have to settle on three. The first two are related and must be posted together. The last one many of you have already seen but I think it qualifies for the contest. And now the story behind the photos...

Okay, in the year 1996, I was a new mom. I had been a nanny for two years prior to my mommyship but I must not have learned too much because I thought nothing about letting baby Keegan play in the cabinet full of groceries. Pots and pans worked, so why not cereal boxes? Harmless, right?

Do you see that brass container on the top shelf far left?

Neither did I.

I left for like two seconds and this is what greeted me upon my return...

My initial reaction was one of those big sucking in sounds that usually precedes a very loud screech and a possible bad word.

Keegan knew that sound and appeared to be on the brink of bawling while he looked up at me as if saying, "Mommy, you said I could play here...you even took my picture!"

I immediately let out a huge belly laugh with my sucked in air and snatched the camera back up.

*Note the little finger marks in the pile of sugar*

The open containers were moved higher. My baby taught me one of the fine points of mommyhood.

If I can get to it, I WILL get to it.

Now for picture number three...a few years later (2002), Keegan with his baby brother, Evan.

Yes, they are like twins five years apart.

Really freaky.

Now Evan had just had a little too much of Daddy's birthday cake and I just had to get a shot of that face but he kept sticking his finger in his nose.

I start getting frustrated saying, "Stop! Do you see your brother picking his nose?"

Of course Keegan, not letting a good moment go to waste, promptly sticks his finger up his nose too.

I said. "Fine. This is going to be your Christmas picture you stinkers!"

And that was that.

The inside of the card said, "We picked this one just for you!"

Keep praying for me and my proposal for Nelson Publishers! I appreciate you all!!!